i have an attitude problem. my problem is that i am too blunt and make a lot of jokes. i happen to think i am funny and usually people agree....but some time ago i had "break up" with my best gal pal over my tude. she said all i did was make her feel stupid by my humor. and i'm not making excuses but usually the jokes were ones like saying words incorrectly or if she got too drunk and was dancing crazy. no more than anyone else laughed about and we all laughed at everyone, even me! so when she got all pissed and told me she needed space, YES that is what she actually said, i figured no biggie. a little time apart, she will come around, we have been friends for years and i have always been the same. a whole year later we still don't talk! i have tried to get together to talk it out, text her i'm sorry, even smiled at her when i saw her. our friends are all the same so it gets weird really fast when we are all together. this is not helped by my nervous habit of calling out the awkwardness in front of everyone.
this is all to say i HATE drama. i have not been in a group of mean girls since 6th grade. yes people fight a little but friends are friends through bad and good right?! now she is talking bad about me??? i still haven't said a bad thing about her. she is lovely and fun and my friend i thought...
if someone chooses to not be my friend then i should say screw em and move on. i am awesome at friendship and would give my friends the shirt off my back! yet i feel stupid, i feel like i am missing part of me when we aren't friends, and i feel bad for hurting her feelings.
i have talked about this for a year now and i still feel the same loser feelings. so today i stop. this is the last time i will ever complain about it. i control how i let people make me feel and i can not keep letting her make me feel bad. but i'm still sad....
this makes it better
i love you.
a christian in america these days i am often disgusted by how my fellow christians treat anyone who isint as holy as they think they are. i like to think i am progressive and open minded, but my conservative counterparts say i am "fooling myself" and that i go to a hippie church. i am young and the problems of my generation haunt me as my own even when they are far from my daily struggles. i am not gay, yet i love the gay community and want them to have basic civil freedoms. i am not a minority and i don't usually go against the grain at all, but my heart hurts as a christian for those that are. the biggest challenge i face everyday is sticking up for my faith when so many christians have given it a bad name. i am not alone in this apparently. i recently found a magazine called relevant all about forward thinking faith and the arts, and a website called conversantlife about the same. this gives me hope that i wont be the last faith filled person standing up for differences in humanity.
